Eddy Boston One step out of time.

So I was sitting at lunch the other day. Fish and chips. A very nice fish and chips, actually, freshly caught, perfectly fried, and washed down with a smooth margarita. The lunchtime conversation turned to my music, as it sometimes does, and I said to the girl I was with, "so what do you think I should write my next song about?" Without a moment's hesitation, she replied, "Website usability."

Maybe it was the deliciousness of the lightly battered piece of haddock on my plate, maybe it was the tequila coursing through my veins, maybe it was how beautiful she looked when she said those words, with her twinkling eyes and mischievous smile, maybe it was the inherent challenge. Who knows. But for whatever reason, I said "Okay."

Songs are living things, and they can change in the course of being written, and this one ended up being more about web-app development in general than usability, but it's still within the same genre, so I'll consider the challenge met.

• Eddy Boston - Internet Wasteland
• Streamable at SoundClick
  

Come on and Google me baby.
Go ahead and ask Jeeves.
Type in the query:
"Eddy Boston please."
But you ain't gonna find me,
Not even on broadband,
'Cause I'm a page-rank zero
In the internet wasteland.

I don't care about your space;
I can't even find mine.
I've been lost since the days of
America Online.
And you ain't gonna find me,
Add me to your top eight friends,
'Cause I'm drowning in the bitstream
Of this internet wasteland.

And the Web 2.0 is driving me insane,
The internet wasteland is pushin' in my brain
With Ajax, PDF, page not found,
Javascript, CSS, the server's down
In the wasteland.

What, are you still designing
With tables and forms?
You're not ready for the desktop.
You're so 2004.
And they ain't gonna find you
In your parents' basement.
You'll be just another dead link
In the internet wasteland.

And you thought you could code it all in XML
But the internet wasteland put you through Hell,
So it's quirks mode, browser checks, transparent GIFs,
The scent of information's down to barely just a whiff
In the wasteland.

You wanna be the next eBay.
You're more like Pets Dot Com.
You want an Adword payday,
But the links are all wrong.
And you ain't gonna find it,
Even with Ruby on the backend
No Rail's gonna save you
In the internet wasteland.

It's an internet wasteland.